Pocahontas

Pocahontas struts into GoatWars with a grace that leaves you wondering how a cartoon can have better conflict resolution skills than most adults. I mean, who else can pull off a duet with a waterfall, tackle colonialism with a side of romance, and still find time to chill with a talking raccoon? Sure, the pacing feels like it’s trying to teach you patience, but that’s just part of the charm. Plus, her obsessive fanbase is like a cult—always ready to debate whether colors of the wind can actually be bottled as a perfume. So pick a side: you either vibe with the tree-hugger or you're just here for the catchy tunes. Let the battle begin!